Confession

What you SHOULD say to people dealing with any of these

• Anxiety: This too shall pass, even if that sounds corny and cliche. Your anxiety will subside, you are not dying, you will not die from this, everything is going to be fine. Keep taking deep breaths, try and stay focused.
• Depression: You are valid and your emotions are valid. You are a good, strong person, even if you don't feel like you are right now. Things DO get better, and I know you can get through this.
• Bipolar: The sun also rises. For all your bad days, weeks, or longer-- you also have good ones just beyond the horizon. You know better than anyone what it means to finally hit those "highs" in your life, and I hope that you just keep growing and strengthening yourself through your treatment to extend those happy moments.
• Self harm: This is your body and I'll never pass judgement over you for the things you choose to do with it. However, you should really consider speaking with a counselor about this. Not because you're "bad", but because I just want you to be safe.
• 
  
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I assume that you know the topic of this post.

Yes I am Bipolar. Yes I suffer from occasional anxiety attacks. Yes I suffer from self infliction. And yes, I suffer from depression.

I bet you guys are all wondering "Why the hell are you posting personal shit like this? Are you looking for attention?" Well if that's what you want to believe then go ahead.

To the meganegatrons and haters out there 

I really don't need your asinine remarks and your attempts to lower my spirits will be useless.

My reason is that I want you to be aware of the people around you. I want you to be sensitive to those who suffer from what I'm suffering: Bipolar Disorder.

You should know what to do just in case the time comes.

It's not easy showing a front everyday, knowing that you can snap at any minute without being to control when it will happen and how bad it's going to be. It's even more difficult dealing with it once it happens. But the hardest part of all is dealing with someone who is bipolar. 

I was first diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was in high school. It's genetic. So don't go thinking that I went through some movie-exaggerated incident that made me that way. Then when I was in first year college, I was diagnosed as being bipolar with frequent anxiety attacks. Only my 3 bestfriends, Aureli, Raf, and Alaric, knew about it because they were the ones who helped me deal with it. When I would have attacks, they would shove me in their cars and wait until I came back to reality. Nowadays, all my friends know about my situation. I want them to be aware that this is happening to me and I want them to understand that sometimes, my mood is out of my control and if they get annoyed or be disturbed with how I act then they should be sensitive (and brave) enough to tell me to stop. I used to listen to this hypnotrack by Andrew Johnson to hasten my recovery whilst having an attack. Over time, I became immune to that. Eventually, only brute force and medication could stop me.

My anxiety attacks used to be triggered by loud and fast noises like thunder and fireworks. Even guns can make me have an anxiety attack. We're still unsure of what causes it. Now that I'm immune to those noises, my psychiatrist has ruled out the fact that I may be epileptic.

But now, the problem is that we don't know what triggers my attacks.

Enough about my anxiety attacks, let's talk about Bipolar Disorder. (Note, these are all by personal experience and stuff that my psychiatrist taught me. I did not study this at all and my terms are very general)

What is it exactly? How will I know if he/she is suffering from it.

A more precise term for it is called Manic Depressive Disorder or Manic Depression. Basically its mood swings that reach intergalactic heights. Lagpas Star Wars. Kasing lost ng Star Trek Enterprise.

Mania is the high and Depression is the low. Keeping yourself in between that is very difficult and takes a lot of time, therapy, and practice.

Some obvious symptoms are alternating depressive episodes along with manic episodes (feeling of euphoria, optimism, loquacity, and self-importance). Otherwise known as extreme mood swings. Sometimes, bi polars are known to have anger management issues. But nothing is really definite unless diagnosed by a doctor.

The medical dictionary of the free dictionary expounds Manic Episodes as:

Manic episodes are characterized by feelings of euphoria, lack of inhibitions, racing thoughts, diminished need for sleep, talkativeness, increased risk taking, and irritability. In extreme cases, mania can induce hallucinations and other psychotic symptoms such as grandiose illusions.

I don't think I need to expound depression to you, do I? But if you must know, there is a difference between being sad and being depressed. Sadness is hastily temporary. Depression kicks you day in and day out. You can call it the lowest of the lows. You have no interest in anything or anyone. You feel as though theres no going up from where you are and feel suicidal about it---- until you either snap back to normalcy or revert to Mania.

I asked my 2 bestfriends to help me out with this one. I usually don't know whats going on with the world when my Highs and Lows come. I mean, I literally do not know whats going on. My mind blanks out. I'm not kidding.

So what do you need? This applies for everyone, with or without the disorder.

1. Unwavering patience. (Thank you Aureli (my bestfriend) for pointing this out to me)

Probably the most critical of all. A true friend never leaves you behind. Bipolar disorder is out of your hands. You can't just slap somebody out of it. Instead, you stay behind and watch the rose unravel.

For Bipolars, be patient with yourself. Take a deep breath and meditate. It's alright to pause for a while. Be patient with your feelings and be patient with others.

2. Strength.

Not just physical strength but also strength in spirit. We lose hope when others lose theirs too. You must be there physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Be the rock that we cling to when we need you. Be our guide. Be our friend.

For bipolars. Stay strong, dear friend. This is not a battle. It is a gift. We may not be in the middle but we can reach further distances if we try.

3. Deep Understanding.

But then again, no one can truly understand another's pain. So please be kind.

And you can't fully understand yourself if you don't understand the world around you.

I'm lucky to have my best friends, Aureli and Raf. The first time that they knew about my disorder was due to a first hand experience that they had with me. They've been extra caring ever since. They're practically the brothers that I never had (Biological brothers, I mean. Well, because they're my fraternity brothers)

Also, I'm extremely lucky to have Alaric as a boyfriend. He is the most understanding and caring person I could ever find. When we started dating, he didn't even bother to let himself be affected by my, then known as, mood swings. Eventually when he found out that I was bipolar, he became more alert and sensitive with me. He never saw me in a different light. I'm thankful that he's with me.

I love how beautifully Ironic this photo is. Probably the best photo that I've seen that really explains the disorder. 

Ah. But nothing beats the bipolar smiley face. :(:

And for the ones who are Bipolar..

You're not alone.

Bipolar Disorder is controllable if you will it, but it would be difficult. I have all the will in the world but it's still not enough.

If will isn't enough then maybe prayer is.

To the people who actually bothered to READ the whole thing...

Thank you. :)