I was hurt. I am still hurt. I still get shivers down my spine when I think about love. Months of excuses and distractions have done nothing to ease the pain. Losing someone is excruciating, much like a bullet to the head. Your body stops functioning, your mind shuts down, and your spirit simply fades away into the void that it originally was. I tried dating around but I just kept getting hurt over and over again. Men of which who were completely different yet had one thing in common: they always raise the same 2 questions. "Is it you?" or "Is it me?"
Mind you, I am not looking for anything. I'm not desperately looking for a lover. I just want somebody that I can take care of. I just want someone who I can grow with and someone who can help me grow. Despite losing all hope in finding the impossible prince charming, a part of me is still open to the idea.
Why is it that we continue to seek love even after being hurt by it? I doubt that the idea of learning from your mistakes fully applies since every person is different therefore the same rules don't apply. Why is it that we still want to care?
Caring makes one weak, Loving makes one defenseless. That is because to open one's arms is to be vulnerable. Just like what Jordin Sparks says: "Love is a battlefield". In the many battles that I have fought, I have scars that cover my whole body, mind, and soul. Yet why do I go on? Why do I take risks? The reason is that Love is worth fighting for.
With him, I am at ease. With him, I am free. Together, we move mountains. Together, we change lives. That is how love should be (I think). It stands on trust, latches on to love, and feeds on change.
Love is war. But like war, I hope it happens, at least, only once in a lifetime.
Tearfully yours,
Kat
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